Tag Archives: self

The Nuts and Bolts of Me

When we got the assignment to introduce ourselves, I was thrilled.  I thought this is going to be a cinch, but then I really started thinking about what was being asked of us and I was actually stumped.  This assignment is much deeper for me than I could have ever imagined.  I’ve never been asked, point blank, who I am and why I’m here.  I thought about the simple answers of being a daughter, sister, aunt, partner, friend, and etc. until I reread the instructions and realized that I needed to dig a bit deeper than this.  I struggled over and over just to get started so instead of driving myself up a wall trying to be ‘perfect’; I have a major problem with perfection, I decided to just jump in and put it all out there.

My name is Kelli-Lynn and I started my blog, Showcasing She, because I am an artist and I wanted to find a platform to share my work.  As a painter I’m still learning and growing.  What I create is mostly abstract or still-life and I’m ok with that for now.  I am also a poet and I absolutely adore when the Muses visit me and I create some pretty cool stuff.  I like sharing what I create and I like looking back over my creations in amazement every time because I truly believe I go to another state of consciousness when my works take on their life.  I am also a writer of short stories and erotica.  Some people may judge the fact that I write erotica but I see this as just another form of artistic expression.  This leads into the name of my blog.

Image result for images of the mind

I chose Showcasing She because I wanted to highlight my work as a woman with all my different elements.  My blog gives me the freedom to be me and do me on my own terms.  Although I am unable to post my racier works, I am still able to use my blog to enlighten, entertain, inform and invite readers into my multi-faceted world with all its imperfections and silly quirks.  Initially I thought I would just use my blog as an artistic outlet but the more I checked out other blogs in the community I found that I could do even more good by opening my life to other people and telling my life stories.  I have recently been writing about being a recovering addict and living with bipolar disorder.  I look forward to writing more on these subjects and many others that affect me such as my journey to find my place in the world, how it feels to have a multi-racial background and how it affects how people treat me and what the creative process is for me.  I guess I don’t have just one thing to blog about, I just want to write and create and welcome other people to go with me down this road of writing and sharing.

I started a blog some years ago before my current one but I was not consistent with it at all.  I eventually deactivated it and put blogging out of my mind until a few years back however it wasn’t until recently that I became more consistent with Showcasing She.  I hope that by doing these assignments and networking with other people I can grow as a person and, hopefully, something that I share will help someone or give them hope or even make them laugh or smile a bit.  I guess it’s on now.  Let’s get this party started.

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Making Diamonds In The Dark

I’ve got barely enough and I’m trying to make it there

the road is dark and lonely but I’m pushing through

alone

in the silence

wondering if anyone is out there

Is someone standing on the outside looking in

pulling my strings

controlling my universe while I use all my energies

trying to find daylight

I can feel it pressing in around me and the air is

thick and dirty brown and

the silence

the silence

the silence

is deafening

and

frightening

and I want to scream out but why am I apologizing

or begging for mercy

or looking for help that doesn’t come

this is all about me

or so it appears

an example, a challenge, a secret bet

on the outcome of a giving heart

that is only fully loved by itself

dying slowly as it gives to the point

where the soul is no longer connected

but lost to the place where it found peace

it only drips with skepticism and distrust

The road stretches endlessly before me with no

signs for direction

no

still

small

voice to guide

a whisper on the wind with an outstretched hand beckoning

come in from the cold

I’m running from myself and mirrors because I don’t like

what I see

and I don’t know where to find the

it

that I need

and all my questions seem to be rhetorical

answering

themselves before they leave my mouth

my mind pulls me forward on its own running

with reserves of memory of what used to be

and the comforts of imagined normalcy

I’m tired and willingly give in to the fight that never ends

I hear the voices all around me and the images bombard

my subconscious world tormenting me in the unrest that I can’t define

in worldly terms

every waking moment I shake from the bone-chilling frost stored

in my physical reserves where it waits for the moment when

my vulnerability is at its highest and it puts me on emotional ice that

cuts my flesh leaving lacerations that bleed the sick bile of loneliness

If I could touch this darkness with my hands

rip it apart with my fingers

throw it into the abyss

so it would be gone

but for now

this moment

it is my domain

Love and family 136

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