Category Archives: words

Back At It

Bipolar disorder can be a bitch, thus the reason I haven’t posted anything to my blog since last July.  I was doing great and the ideas were flowing and I loved seeing the results of my productivity and focus and then, BAM, without warning; nothing.  It was like all the potential and creativity that I had in me just dried up and flew south.  Frustrating does not begin to describe the feeling of sitting down in front of the computer all set to peck out my next great revelation only to find that all the thoughts in my head were a garbled mess of nothingness.  I wanted to write, really I did, but nothing would happen.  I would wake up in the morning with the mindset that today would be the day and, just as quickly as it came; it was gone, back to the endless chasm of emptiness.   I ranted, I screamed, I cried, I did it all from one end of up to the dark side of down but nothing would make the ideas or expression come to fruition before my eyes.  I couldn’t understand what was happening.  I had been on a roll and I was so proud of myself.  I had endless reserves of gumption and I enjoyed what I was doing, I had the upper hand against my mental illness.  I had ‘mastered’ bipolar disorder and I vowed bipolar disorder would never again keep me paralyzed and confused and lost in a sea of uncertainty.  Hell, just looking at my blog I knew that I could beat this beast.  Surprise, surprise I couldn’t have been further from the truth.  That’s not the nature of bipolar disorder and that’s really not the way it works.  Even with all my reading and researching I didn’t want to realize that I would forever battle with bipolar disorder.  For a minute I believed that maybe it had gone away to the furthest recesses of my mind to be stored as an afterthought.  No.  Bipolar disorder will forever be my Achilles heel and I’m going to have to get to a place where I’m OK with that.  Having bipolar disorder doesn’t make me any less of a person than anyone else and the pitfalls that come with it don’t make me a failure.  I just have to work a little bit harder at life than some people and, actually, that’s OK.  That just strengthens my character and enhances my already engaging personality.  All I have to remember is that I have bipolar disorder, it doesn’t have me.

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In A Manner Of Speaking

Wrap me in your voice

and

caress me with your words because

you

stimulate me

and invigorate me

and

your lips

pour forth knowledge that

excites me

and

gets me wet to the touch with juices

flowing full of that intellectual ecstasy that

you have placed inside of me

just

by

being

you.

The inflection of each syllable that

you speak

has me weak as you run over me like fresh water

emanating from deep within the earth where

Wisdom takes her form and manifests on each

divine breath you breath.

How smooth each phrase you speak that

brings me to the peak

of orgasmic oration and I

spontaneously erupt in prose.

What is it that lies so deep within thee

that brings me to

illegal elevations of illuminated alliterations

as if I am in a trance caught up in the stance

of your natural brilliance.

The mantra that reverberates in my sacred parts

each time you

start to speak

puts me in a state of higher learning and

because of my intense yearning

I open wide to receive your speech

as you teach me

how to open my eyes to the reality

that for many a century

has been covered in lies.

Mesmerizing does not begin to explain

what I feel when you

rain

down on me with all your intoxicating facts

and this is what attracts me to all that makes you

you.

The sound of your voice resonates within my head

making me high on the vibe that you bring to the

table and

whenever I am able

I seek out your

heat because you feed me in a way

that sustains me for days on end

with your sultry delivery.

The serpentine movement of your tongue and lips

through the dense forests of metaphorical machinations

of our language is so heady and I am always so ready

for what it is that you plant in my psyche

that pushes me deeper and deeper into your character

only to find that I want more.

Here in this world of conversation

you

constantly arouse my imagination

with your ideas

and I come away

FULL

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